Thursday

We should eat more bacon


In light of the H1N1 (swine flu) quasi-pandemic and given that the virus does not pass through cooked pork, I am hereby instituting an International Bacondemic Alert. We, as citizens linked by technology, geography and humanity, must take a stand. We must eat more bacon.

In order to save humanity, it is paramount that we consume enormous quantities of bacon. BLT's are to be the primary source of consumption given the high vitamin C content of tomatoes. After that, it's a free for all. Well, as long as the tomatoes are not salmonella infected Mexican tomatoes. That would just make us sick with bacteria. And we all know bacteria and viruses are like vampires and werewolves - eternal enemies - so we don't want to up the ante.

Bacon wrapped jalapeƱos to honor the source country of Mexico are also to be consumed (note salmonella exception). Other bacon recipes are to be added as readers to this blog contribute their ideas for saving humanity.

Pork chops, ribs, smoked hams and pork rinds are also to be allowed, but those will proceed in subsequent Porkdemics.

Go. Eat. Bacon.

6 comments:

brian said...

Words more fraught with wisdom have never been spoken.

*(:=

Brandon and Jenny said...

I know. I'm REALLY craving a BLT now. Alas...we have no bacon at home and BLT's are hard to come by here.

ryan said...

The wise man stood above the crowd crowned by the rising sun... He held aloft the BLT and with echoing voice shouted....

"to the bacon"

and the masses were moved. they wept and embraced each others. puppies were born and flowers burst into bloom. new loves were made and old loves were rekindled. birds sang more sweetly and dancing filled the streets.

now there was purpose. now there was meaning...

its name was "bacon"

Brandon and Jenny said...

Excellent prose, Ryan. You should write a book. I mean another book. Write more books. About bacon.

ryan said...

I just finished my second book two days ago. It will be out by Christmastime. I should send you the preview.

Brandon and Jenny said...

I'd love a preview! And tell me when it goes on sale...I'll buy a few.