This is my last week of language school.
Pretty cool. And scary.
It seems that missionaries are supposed to be good at transition. We move a lot, learn other languages and get the runs more than most. So I'm supposed to have this transition thing down pat.
Of course I don't. It seems like every time I have to go and do something new it's a little different and a little harder than the last time. When the Lord asks me to trust Him I don't think it matters too much if it's hard or not. I don't think trusting Him with the same thing over and over again is easy, mind you. We have 2 kids. But I am, finally, after a very strange road, getting to begin what that Lord called me here to do over 4 years ago.
And after all those years and all that has happened, I'm nervous. Good grief.
It's a little like hiking in the mountains and working your way through creeks and valleys and forest scrub to finally find yourself in a clearing at the crest of the peak and the panorama which should inspire awe, sort of makes you wobbly kneed. I know what I'd like to do and I know what some of the needs are ( at least I think I do) and I know the desires the Lord has put in my heart. But when it comes time to step out of the clearing reality gets pretty big and I look very much more like my 3 year old son nervous in a crowded room than a man who knows what he's doing.
And I have to wrestle again with the reality that what I do is less important than who I am. And who I am is less important than Who's I am. I don't think being a missionary is any more spiritual than being a mechanic. We both have to trust the Lord. Sure I live in a cool country and can see an active volcano from my bedroom but we both pay bills and struggle with temptation and love our wife and kids. We both have money only because God is good and people are unspeakably gracious and generous. We both get up every morning and commit what we do to the Lord. We read the same Bible, are filled with the same Spirit and tell people about the same Jesus.
The thing is - God has only called me to be faithful. To love Him. To love other people. To be His child. For absolute certain He guides me and has things for me to do. Different things than other people because, well, nobody's the same. I may be able to teach the book of James while the mechanic can replace the CV joint on a Honda, but neither of those things has less value than the other as long as both of us are living dependent lives on Christ.
I don't know. I'm rambling. And I just felt a little earthquake. That's still weird. So, I finish Spanish school Friday. And transition. Again. Into something I've waited 4 years to do. The older I get the more I feel like a little child holding my daddy's hand. A hand which gets bigger and stronger and surer each new day.
At least I know He knows where were going. That's enough for today.