life, people and things that make me worry

So life is more complicated the older I get. Well, not really, but it sure can seem that way. I guess life is what it is and I complicate it by being older. Who knows.

I got news that our home church, CBC, has to let 2 folks go from staff because they just didn't have the support to keep them. Two of my favorite people on the planet. People with whom I share history, ministry and life. People because of whom the world is better and the Body more effective at being what we are. People that I love.

We also found out that BabyM is underweight and the doctor wants us to run tests to see if she has an infection of some sort. We got the results back but they mean nothing to us and all we can do until we see the Dr. again is worry ourselves by looking stuff up online. Even when we do go to the doctor he'll explain everything to us in Spanish and we'll only get 90% of it or so if we're really on the ball.

Much of the news I hear from back home is discouraging because people I love are struggling. They suffer loss. Heartache. Disappointment. Financial trouble. They are depressed and worried. They hurt and cry and ask God what is going on and I cannot answer them more than to say that God loves them and that I do too.

I have a lot of training. I have a masters degree from Dallas Seminary. I am an ordained minister of the Gospel. And I am not God. I'm just Brandon and the only answers I have that do any good whatsoever are just answers I have learned from walking with God and with those who love Him.

I live in a country where 95% of the people I love and care about aren't. I cannot go have coffee with a friend who got laid off or bring a meal to someone or hug one of those people who are struggling. I cannot because I have chosen not to live there and I have chosen not to live there because The Lord, who is my Shepherd, has led me somewhere else for a time. He has led me away form the flock I knew into another flock that is unfamiliar to me. A flock which does not speak my language. Whose customs I do not know. And yet He has led me here indeed.

But I am one of the Strugglers. I am not above the fray and I never will be. Jesus did not tell me, "Make everything perfect in your own life, fix all your problems, then love and serve and help people" Paul says with good reason that we carry about the treasure of the gospel in jars of clay. I am a human, redeemed but still walking by faith. Still walking by hope. See, there will be a day when I see my Lord face to face and my faith and hope will be fulfilled. But that day has not yet come. And so I wait and worry and struggle with the rest of you because that's how some days are. The Lord would not have told us not to worry if it was something we wouldn't struggle with. He told us not to worry because He knew we would. He told us do not be afraid because we fear. He told us to abide in Him because we often won't. He told us to love one another because we tend not to.

He told us to love Him because He is the source of all those other things which make being a Christian any different from anything else. He is the Way and the Truth and the Life, not something else, and when the day is done the reality is that we have no other option but to follow the One who made us. I have the option not to follow, not to believe, but that leaves me in the same predicament minus the power and love of Christ. If I have to struggle, I might as well do it in the hand of my loving God.

Probably doesn't sound very holy for a missionary. Well, I'm a missionary and that's what's going on today, holy or not.


Zach said...
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Zach said...

I know that must be hard. I get lonely and I only live in Denton. Also, people here speak English. I can't imagine what it must be like living somewhere where everything is so different than everything else you've ever known. Unfortunately, because of who we are the things that teach us to trust in God are rarely, if ever, pleasant. I wish I could be there with you (or perhaps that you could be here with us). I'll be praying for you though.

Brandon and Jenny said...

Thank you, Zach. Your kind words mean very much to me.

And thank you for praying. I will do the same for you and your family.

I agree that learning to trust God is often a difficult process. Difficult because I'm silly, but still difficult.