I just realized my blog post times are a hour ahead of my actual time. My whole world is in a tizzy now. :-)
I was listening to a Jennifer Knapp song yesterday and part of the chorus goes like this:
"I want to know You, better than I do;
O, relieve me from myself,
Bring me into You."
So she's talking about knowing God better. And I realized, as many people do when the listen to music, "Hey - I have the same problem!" I want to know the Lord better but I keep getting in my own way. The list of how that happens would be very long but I'm sure we'd find other things in common there too. I let silly things like presuppositions and a love for doctrine instead of people get in the way. Hey, wait a minute.
I thought doctrine was important? Oh, it is. But if I'm reading the Bible right, the Lord says to love Him and people. I love Him with my soul, heart, mind and strength and so loving Him with my mind includes studying theology and doctrine. But I don't love those things - I love the Lord. And that's where I (and maybe we as people) get off track. We love the wrong things. I love myself instead of the Lord. I love my (fill in the ______) instead of the Lord.
Maybe I should make that blank bigger. I have a lot of things that go in there!
Add into yesterday that I was very molasses-minded (also known as tired and grumpy) and reading through Philippians chapter 2 and you get a little battle going on for what I'm supposed to be. God has made us to be lovers - lovers of Him, lovers of people. He's also made us to be thinkers, servers, teachers, and sufferers among a score of other things. But it is the primary (being a lover) which often gets eclipsed by the secondary (other things) and that can cause me confusion and trouble. I'm not supposed to serve the Lord and not love Him. See, those secondary things are all demonstrations of the inner reality of a love for Christ. I love my wife because I love the Lord. I teach my children because I love the Lord. I think and serve and suffer (though very, very little suffering) because I love the Lord.
See, I found myself saying, "God, help me not be grumpy. Help me serve and think of others like you tell me to in this chapter (Phil 2)." But what I really needed to do was ask the Lord to help me love Him and in loving Him, love others. And in loving others, serve them and consider them (as Christ did) as more important than myself. Not that it's bad to ask the Lord to help serve - but it's not the best. And I'm trying to learn not to ignore what is best for what is good.
I have a lot - a very, very lot - to learn.